She sleeps
I honestly can’t recall how old she would have been this coming December 1st, but it doesn’t matter too much now. At about 1pm, my maternal grandmother passed away at the hospital she went into on Saturday evening.
Even now, it probably still troubles some of my family that I’m not crying for her just as I didn’t for my paternal grandfather a few years ago. I truly don’t think that it is due to any shock as some might believe. My faith is strong enough to know that each of them are merely resting until such a time as they rise again. I can only hope I can get my life straightened out to a point that I’ll be with them to see them.
I have few reasons to shed tears for Grandma Parker. She’d gone through most of her life with purpose. That purpose for her began with being married and having two kids. Then she was divorced while my mother was in her early teens (and divorce wasn’t as acceptable as it is now). Thus, she was a single parent raising two kids on her own. After they left, she was independent for a while until her father passed away and she took on care of her mother which we, of course, called Granny.
Granny almost lived to see 100. However, by the age of 90, she was bedridden and Grandma had moved to Paris, TX with her sister, Nina, to take care of Granny together. They spent 10 years doing everything to keep their mother alive. I had already come to the realization that Granny was around a lot longer than she should have been.
However, the turning point for Grandma was when Granny passed away finally. Suddenly, she was pretty much without purpose. This was almost 9 years ago. Grandma was not the same person I knew before when she was living life with purpose. Getting up because she had reason to do so. In my own mind, Grandma died with Granny. This person I saw the last 9 years was a shadow of the grandmother I grew up with.
So, I had already long since said my goodbyes to her in my heart. It was merely the physical shell that was finally gone today.
Tears may come another time when I lose someone else, but not this time. I can only continue living my life in the hopes I’ll see them all again.
August 27th, 2005 at 4:16 am
Such sad news. Please accept my commiserations.
Grief is a very complicated and personal emotion - don’t be too concerned your emotional response is not as visable as perhaps other peoples are.
It is good that you have your faith to help you through this difficult time.